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The loss of physical intimacy led the author to seek relationship counselling with her husband but it was soon clear he wasn't interested.
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We turned up for one more session, a dead end, at which the counsellor asked us if we wanted to keep coming. Some days after the session, I asked if he would be able to give me that massage. He agreed that this was something he could do. Our sex life had died completely and I thought if he could talk about his depression and find the tools to help him cope, our physical relationship might improve again.ĭuring one session, the counsellor asked Andrew* if he might be comfortable giving me a weekly massage. I’d encouraged him to seek help shortly after our daughter Kate* was born, when he’d been sacked from his job and wasn’t coping. This realisation came as a devastating wave after he quit counselling for the second time. My husband didn’t like to touch, or be touched, and it took me nine years to realise that he had no intention of changing that status quo. Having spent years trying to fix it, crying bucketloads of tears in the process, with that single sentence I finally realised that the relationship was finished. Finally, the truth was out – our nine-year marriage was over. “I don’t want to be like this.” The relief was so great I almost burst into tears. Normal text size Larger text size Very large text sizeĪ muffled voice came from the pillow.